Saturday, August 29, 2009

how long has it been since i last posted? lol

i cant rmb leh. losing track of my days again. been sleeping too much into the day that i dont even rmb the day itself.

anyways, went to baybeats with jer last night. quite nice. but only 1 or 2 bands really caught my attention. the rest were alright la.. but some simply sucked. lol.
feel like going again on sunday leh.. but got janet's birthday. hah

after baybeats, i just feel like jamming again. jer asked me when it will be our turn to be on stage. lol. i was like, looooong way to go. lol
he's going NS in 2 weeks. :( there goes another.. sian.
so it'll be hard to jam already.. one less dota mate as well. sigh

anyways, dota's been shit as well. cant seem to improve leh..
it's been rather lonely as well at home. nothing to do.. no one to hang out with..
hope the rest of the hols wont be this boring. if not it'll be just another holiday wasted..
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lonely, im mr lonely
i have nobody
to call my own~
~This is for Eternity ♪ at 5:28 PM

Thursday, August 27, 2009

got a bit of hangover from last night's drinking. sian..
and i drank so little la. guess im a lousy drinker. haha!

anyways, i dont know why im up now also. had a sudden urge to drink milo so i got up and drank milo. now im awake but feeling damn sleepy.

and nicole's been sending me all those cute cute animal games in fb.
that bored huh. hahaha. she's a pro rotter at home.

anyways, last night's party was a little dull. cause i didnt know anyone there at all. well, at least i met ppl there and they were nice. these 3 ppl, cousins of mary and one of them was her cousin's gf. so yeah, they talked to me, then just talk lor.
then one of them made friends with me cause of one common interest.. dota! LOL!
gonna dota with him sooner or later. dont know when only. might be tonight. lol.

max seems a little cranky this morning. got noise outside he wanted to bark already.
lol.

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its gonna get lonely today i think..
~This is for Eternity ♪ at 7:06 AM

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

i just woke up from sleeping for 14 hours.
yesterday was tiring..

after com UT, went to orchard with the group of girls from class. kenny didnt wanna go, so i was the only guy. went shopping and makan.. then met jeremy and wah wah at cine. his turn to shop. rich ass. lol.

pooled with them and went home.

that was a summary of what happened yesterday..
im supposed to be going to pasir ris park for mary's birthday now..
but i cant help but emo..
i dont know whats this feeling anymore.. but it aint beautiful.

cant help but say i miss her.. and i doubt it'd concern her anymore..
she might probably have "moved on" to someone else who can make her happier or feel better when she's down. compared to me.
i know im a pretty boring person, cant be helped.

anyways, my feelings are my feelings, no one should be affected by them. they should just live their lives as they want to.. mine are rather driven by my feelings, so that's just me..

what i see or think might be off, maybe im just thinking too much as usual, but i guess, it all boils down to missing her and that fruitful night i had with her at macs...

i dreamt of you last night, and we were happy together.. sigh..



或许命运的签只让我们遇见
只让我们相恋这一季的秋天
飘落后才发现这幸福的碎片
要我怎么捡
~This is for Eternity ♪ at 7:22 PM

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

alright! i got up so early! LOL!

today last UT. guess what, i dont even know which module is it!! HAHA!
yeah, im very bo chup when it come to my studies.
right now, i've got time to kill while my maid cooks my noodles.

finally i can stay up without feeling guilty. lol.

tomorrow got party. sian? hope not. mary's birthday..
good thing it's nearby. pasir ris only.. haha! i think i can cycle there lor.
dont think i'd know anyone else going other then the birthday girl herself..
the rest of my friends all dont wanna go. siannnnnnnnnn
so i'll be alone again. haha. reminds me of the last time i went to her birthday, it was...
emo. haha. i was alone la! there was this girl i used to like, so i went there particularly for her.
just so i could you know, see her. haha.
but i didnt talk to her much la. shy ma.. =x that was in sec 2 i think. haha. so friggin long time ago laaa! LOL

damn sian now.. nothing much to look forward to for the next few days other then mary's party. oh, sunday is janet's party. LOL. time to merlion again? hmm.. who knows. lol.
next weekend is the SP party.
then i think the following week is weilun's party.
after that no more liao. for now. lol.
a lot of parties going on. haha. but at least i wont have to stay at home and do nothing.

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sometimes loneliness gets the better of me

when the night is cold and im all alone
sitting in my room, with nowhere to go
no place to hangout, no person to love
am i really that bad, just simply not worth?

and yet, i still live, for what you might ask
i honestly cannot tell, too many things, too fast
my life's everchanging, and im losing myself
my own identity, just cant love myself

not as much as im supposed to
what do you propose i should do?
if someone could tell me
why my life always seems to be
this painful and exhausting
i think i should stop drinking. =P
~This is for Eternity ♪ at 8:58 AM

what a day~! just like any other! LOL!

i slept for 3 hours last night after watching harry potter online.. wasnt that nice, but i guess it was alright..
anyways, i went to sch today for UT. math. killer, but hopefully i can pass. tomorrow last paper.
hope it wont kill my brain again like math did.

well, after that i went home to sleep. downloaded this vista gadget. ALARM CLOCK! :D
woke me up good this evening like i wanted it to..

headed down to bugis to meet jer and jo to celebrate jo's birthday. had dinner at this fish and chips store. the fish was alright, but the rest was like... not that good. haha. kinda over priced, certain items. but it was fine i guess.

went to this jazz pub after that to watch jer's friend perform. nice band. the flautist quite attractive. =x i think she caught me eye or i caught hers. whatever. she's probably too old for me. lol. had san miguel. first time drinking, tastes not bad. sweet alcohol.

well, now im home after that! asshole is back. sian, no more room to myself. :(

anyways, its been rather hectic for me. every weekend, sure got something on. and almost every weekend, sure got alcohol to drink. :S belly coming out real fast again. haha. oh wait! it's always been there. haha!
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well, today wasnt so bad compared to a few days back. think i feel much better now.
thanks to everyone who tried to cheer me up, or show concern. i know i havent been a that good at taking advices, but at least i know you guys care. :)

im still in the midst of finding my lost identity. wonder who can accept me as lost as i am now..
which girl would want a guy with no direction in life. sigh.. oh well. "life is a rollercoaster just gotta ride it" lol

cheers!
~This is for Eternity ♪ at 12:19 AM

Sunday, August 23, 2009

its 5pm and i just woke up. i seriously need to change my body clock back to normal. lol.

supposed to go church this morning, but i was just too tired. gei kianged. last night shld have slept. lol. but i promised my friend i'd go next sat. i mean, its for me, its not for my friend.
i need direction, i need a new meaning to life.. im going to church to look for it. cause i know i did have one when i was regularly attending.

it was raining heavily last night, and when i woke up as well.. cold as ever, but good for a long sleep. sleep is indeed a great way to escape.

how do i prove that i'll be okay? but do you even care?
im supposed to be solving this and not sleeping. sigh..

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the pain knows no bounds..
my soul is screaming and screeching
it's foul, whats inside
you wont find it anywhere on the streets,
just in my heart
it is unique.
just when i try to solve it,
something comes over me
stifling my existence
resisting my effort

"when will this ever end??!" - Drow Ranger and Death Prophet. =.="
~This is for Eternity ♪ at 5:07 PM

Saturday, August 22, 2009

aight. just woke up from a short slumber. 6 friggin hours to recover from drinking.
short right? yeah, i feel damn paiseh sia.. puked last night. and once again, it was cause i was too full and tired. i didnt get drunk, after puking, i still can drink. lol

anyways, yesterday went out with R2E ppl for dinner and slack at simlim. they call it zai dui cause lexus works there. lol.
went to meet nicole after that at like, 12am? at kallang leisure park. and that place is @#%$-ed! so big no POSB atm. wtf right? but nicole said they gonna build. dont know when only. lol.

anyways, there no more movie, so went to cine lor. thank God for jeremy. he was at cine stalking ppl. lol.. no he's not a stalker. "special mission". lol. then he helped me check timings lor. then me and nicole went down to cine. watched UP! funny show. quite touching also. and we were both freezing in the cinema. lol. oh oh! then there was this cleaning lady, when the movie ended, we were walking out of the door, this lady was standing there sleeping! LOL~ nicole said she saw her before, sleeping at the front row. haha. funny sia..

then we headed to geylang to find shereen. went to drink. DJ MERLION!! LOL! stout quite nice to drink. first time drinking. then cabbed home after that lor..

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sometimes i feel i listen too much, and have too little opinions..
ppl ask me about how they feel, i dont know how to tell them, cause im always neutral.
dont know if its a good thing or not. im just probably scared to offend ppl

got new insight about some stuff, guess i better understand you now..
if only you could better understand how i feel. but it doesnt matter, as long as you're doing fine.
i dont know how long it'll take for me to move on, and im not saying i will make any effort either.
maybe im just lazy to get out of this situation and move to another. or maybe im just scared.
"fear is in the eyes of the beholder." but what if you cant see what's gonna happen, and you're scared. does that still apply? everyone's got their social fears.. ppl who've seen shit will have them.
sometimes i wish there wasnt such a thing as love in this world. or at least, feelings that lead to love. wouldnt be so complicated. but what to do, life loves to make a fool of us sometimes.

im glad i was there to see you in that state, and not leaving you to be..
sometimes i feel i wanna be your guardian angel, just to watch over you. but the pain is excrutiating at times.. no sacrifice, no glory. guess that's what it means.
i miss you, even though i see you.. will there be a breakthrough at all..? sigh..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The pain inside, can you see it
The open wound that's bleeding, i know you didnt mean it
But it burns and it yearns
For a break, to recuperate.
It's tired and it's weary..
And we all know, only you can save me..
~This is for Eternity ♪ at 4:48 PM